escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
