I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
