Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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