There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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