so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
