Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
