We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
