We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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