I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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