I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
