I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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