mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my being single is dangerous.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
