Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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