seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
