Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Terrible idea I love it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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