He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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