she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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