Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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