It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
