Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
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