Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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