worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
