Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
