I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
