Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
