remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
