i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Those nachos came to me in a dream
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
