I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
