you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
