U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize