"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
