matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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