So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
