3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
