Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
