Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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