The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
