my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
