I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize