glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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