were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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