I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He shit in the fireplace
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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