i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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