Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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