Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
