Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
