perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
