R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
