I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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