If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
