My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
