I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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