Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize