Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
