Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Randomize
