i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
