I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
