You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
