I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
