I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
