its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
