so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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