If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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