you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
