before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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