in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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