Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
