just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
