She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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