got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
