Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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